TwoFaced Galinda
by kharkiv
Summary: What Galinda really meant when she sang Popular.


key: **bold actual song lyrics,** _italics Galinda's thoughts_

**Whenever I see someone less fortunate than I**

_Gee, that sure happens often. I wonder why?_

**And, let's face it, who isn't less fortunate than I?**

_Um, like, everyone on planet Earth, duh._

**My tender heart tends to start to bleed.**

_Sometimes. Usually, though, it thinks "Ugh. What a dweeb."_

**And when someone needs a makeover**

_Doesn't everyone in the world need a makeover? Except for me, of course._

**I simply have to take over.**

_If I feel like it…usually not._

**I know, I know, exactly what they need.**

_Yeah, usually to get out of my sight._

**And even in your case.**

_Oh, what a case! Green, green, green! Ugh!_

**Though it's the toughest case I've yet to face.**

_You know, of all the horrors I've seen out there, I've never seen anyone green before._

**Don't worry, I'm determined to succeed**.

_Ok…maybe I'll make you a little prettier so that I can stand looking at you._

**Follow my lead**

_Maybe I shouldn't have offered this…_

**And yes, indeed. You will be popular!**

_No you won't._

**You're going to be popular!**

_That's what you wish!_

**I'll teach you the proper poise when you talk to boys**

_As if any boy would want to talk to you!_

**Little ways to flirt and flounce**

_Um…Elphaba? Flirting? Sorry! Those two elements just don't work together!_

**I'll show you what shoes to wear**

_Yes, those sharp-toed black boots are disastrous!_

**How to fix your hair**

_What can you do with hair like that, though? Except shave it all off, of course._

**Everything that really counts to be popular, you're going to be popular! **

_Or not._

**You'll hang with the right cohorts.**

_I guess I will have to introduce you to_ some_ of my friends._

**You'll be good at sports.**

_But I'm not planning to wait for hours until you finally get that ball into the basket._

**Know the slang you've got to know.**

_Although I can't imagine you saying all the stuff you're supposed to say._

**So let's start, for you've got an awfully long way to go.**

_Definitely. And I'm not planning to be there with you every step of it._

**Don't be offended by my frank analysis.**

_Very frank._

**Think of it as personality dialysis.**

_Whatever that is. I think I heard it in English once. Yawn. Moving on._

**Now that I've chosen to become a pal.**

_Now, why did I choose to do that?_

**A sister and adviser**

_You realise it's impossible for us to be sisters. Just look at all that green!_

**There's nobody wiser**

_WISE? Why did I use that word. Wise people are geeks and nerds._

**Not when it comes to popular. I know about popular!**

_Much more than you do, ha!_

**And with an assist from me to be who you'll be instead of dreary who you were.**

_Are._

**There's nothing that can stop you from becoming popular…lahr!**

_Hey, give me a break! I had to find a rhyme._

**La la, la, la**

_Oh, aren't I just a majestic singer?_

**We're going to make you popular!**

_Ugh, this is going to be so BORING!_

**When I see depressing creatures**

_Man, that happens a lot!_

**With unprepossessing features**

_Eww…you should see some of these things!_

**I remind them on their own behalf**

_Why on earth would I ever get near enough to say anything to one of them?_

**To think of celebrated heads of state or specially great communicators**

_Even though I've never really cared about them…_

**Did they have brains or knowledge?**

_Who cares?_

**Don't make me laugh!**

_Um, actually, I'm not very cheerful right now._

**They were popular! Please, it's all about popular!**

_It really is. What other purpose is there to life if it's not popularity?_

**It's not about attitude it's the way you're viewed**

_Sheesh, who cares about what's inside? It's the outside that counts!_

**It's very shrewd to be. Very, very popular like me.**

_Popular! Look at me! I'm popular…hey, where are you going?_

**And though you protest your disinterest.**

_Yes! I won't have to waste part of my life on you._

**I know clandestinely**

_How do I know that word? I read it in a dictionary…that was the one and only day I ever looked into one_

**You're going to grin and bear it**

_You better after all the time I'll waste on you!_

**Your newfound popularity**

_If that's what you're gonna call it_

**La la, la, la!**

_Oh, yeah! I don't have to try to make you popular anymore! You ran away! Hip hip hooray!_

**You'll be popular. Just not quite as popular as me!**

_Now, that's for certain. Oh, I better go and get you. Elphaba? Elphaba?_


End file.
